i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
