guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize