...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
