Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
