You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
