Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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