I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
