let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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