It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
