if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
