omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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