I think I died a long time ago.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize