I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
