I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
