Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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