his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
