Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
