so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
