get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
