Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
