i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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