I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize