guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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