i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
