remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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