so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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