I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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