it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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