Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
