Im at strip club and am horny
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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