i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
