i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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