You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
