Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
