I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
