She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
