if you like me you must not know who I am
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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