Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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