Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
