I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
