dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
