Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize