shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
