Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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