Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bring money and cleavage
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
