It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize