The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
