How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
