I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize