Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
