Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
