you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize