Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
