i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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