HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
