My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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