wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
