If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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