508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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