Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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