i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
