Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
