why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
