Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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