Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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