Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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