i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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