As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
